the nights of all my youth pressed into one glass of water
by pornographic february
Summary: But Courtney loves him, God, does she ever love him. He's goofy and mean spirited and ridiculous and handsome and funny and good for her, really, insanely good. She'd always hoped someday she'd meet a boy that would treat her like a princess - Scott treats her like a queen. /courtneyscott


**A/N**: HELP SCOURTNEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE HOW DO I CURE THIS MY GOSH SCOTT LIKES COURTNEY SO MUCH COURTNEY LIKES SCOTT SO MUCH WHAT DO I _DO_

maybe one of these days i will write something that is more than just fluff but for now here is more shameless, filthy fluff aka qt pies falling in love

pretty please review! i am so grateful for each and every one and i love to know what you guys think ouo

soundtrack: alt-j - ms

* * *

Courtney gets fifth place.

It doesn't surprise her (she had burned too many bridges to get to the final this season) and she doesn't throw a fit, accepts it with nothing more than a huff of irritation and a roll of her eyes. She had been ready to go home anyway.

The only person who doesn't vote for her is Scott. He's also the only person who comes to watch her flush of shame, which is both comforting and humiliating.

"Don't worry, babe, I've got this in the bag." He smiles at her in a way that she thinks is supposed to be reassuring, but he mostly just looks like he might cry. Her heart clenches with sadness and affection. She wants to leave the island, but she doesn't want to leave _Scott_.

She's overcome with the need to hug him, and so she does, wrapping her arms tight around his neck and squeezing. He squeezes back, kisses the top of her head and claps her heartily on the shoulder when she pulls back.

Just before Chris flushes her away, she looks Scott in the eyes and tells him, "If you ever want to see me again, you _win_. I don't associate with losers, understood?"

She doesn't mean it. He knows that, and she knows he knows that. He smiles wide, says "Yes ma'am," and salutes her anyway.

His face is the last thing she sees before she goes under.

; ;

Playa de Losers is nice, as always. She spends a lot of time with Bridgette and Gwen, who she is starting to trust again, slowly. She also talks to Cody and Noah a lot, mostly because she has developed a weird sort of affection for them, and she's still trying to figure out whether or not they're screwing.

Everyone asks about Scott. Bridgette is concerned more than anyone - "I've just heard _so many bad things._" - and she does her best to smooth over what she can.

Bridgette has apparently been spending a lot of time with season four's Dawn.

Courtney quickly comes to realize that the vast majority of Scott's old teammates hate him, but the same could be said about her, and she decides it fits them well. Neither of them are bad people, but they never did learn to play the game nicely.

She writes Scott a total of thirty-seven letters in two days. She doesn't send any of them, uses them as kindling for the fireplace instead.

; ;

He's voted off the week after she is. She watches the episode live with everyone else in the common room, and as soon as Scott's name is called at elimination, all the eyes in the room are suddenly on her.

She tries hard to keep her face passive. It works for all of three seconds, and then she bursts into tears.

"Shut up." She snaps, even though no one has said a word. "Shut up, all of you. _Shut up."_

She locks herself in the bathroom and falls asleep with her head propped on the edge of the bathtub.

; ;

When she wakes up she's mostly just embarrassed for freaking out in front of everyone. She knows Scott is undoubtedly here, and she wants to look for him, but can't bring herself to.

She brushes her hair and washes her face before wandering into the kitchen for breakfast. It's seven in the morning, and for the most part, everyone is still asleep. The few people that are awake don't say anything to her, and for that, she is endlessly grateful.

She's pouring milk into a bowl of cornflakes when she feels an arm sling gently around her shoulders.

"A little birdy told me you were pretty torn up about your favorite contestant not making it to the final."

Courtney laughs softly, wraps her own arm around his waist, tucks her head into the crook of his shoulder. "Something like that."

He kisses the top of her head and steals a bite of her cornflakes when he thinks she isn't looking.

; ;

If Courtney thought Playa was good before, its _infinitely_ better now. Scott mostly just kind of follows her around like a puppy - he gives her space whenever she asks him to, but she's almost certain he just goes into his room and waits for her to want his company again. It's both amusing and somewhat concerning.

They're reading in her room one day, her curled up in an armchair, Scott sitting at her feet the way Courtney has discovered he likes to, when it suddenly occurs to her that they've been sitting in silence for almost four hours.

"Do I not pay enough attention to you?" She demands, nudging him gently with her socked foot. He looks up at her over his shoulder.

"I'm never one to turn down more attention," He grins. "Especially not from you."

She rolls her eyes at him. "I mean it, Scott. We've been sitting here all day. You don't even _like_ reading."

"Oh, it's not so bad. It grew on me."

She feels desperate to find a reason for him to want to leave now, and slightly pathetic for it. "Wouldn't you rather spend time with someone else? Go...cause trouble with your friends?"

"Nope."

"_Why_?" She asks, feeling small. She cannot understand why he isn't sick of her yet. People are always getting sick of her.

"Because I like you, genius." He informs her, quirking a brow. "Why would I go spend time with those losers when I could spend it with you?"

He says it like its the simplest thing in the world. She wonders if maybe it is.

; ;

They kiss for the first time on the Fourth of July, which she later decides is equal parts awesome and cliche.

It's 100 degrees outside and everyone is crowded together on the cabana in their swimsuits waiting for the fireworks. The air smells like lemonade and barbecue and chlorine and sweat and fireworks and _home_. These people, for better or worse, have become her family. Geoff is on her right and she pulls him into a spontaneous hug, smiling warmly into his chest when he returns it without hesitation.

She sees Scott approach with an ice cream cone in each hand, and she waves him over, taking the cookies and cream one for herself.

"Good work, Scott." She tells him, taking a bite of ice cream and hiding her smile when he flushes all over from the praise.

The fireworks are beautiful and everyone goes to bed in good spirits. It makes Courtney's heart swell - she loves days like these. Scott looks adorably sleepy and she knows she should let him go to bed, but being selfless isn't her strong suit. So she makes him take a walk with her anyway, and he only complains a minimal amount (a minimal amount for Scott, anyway).

She takes his hand as they walk, intertwining their fingers and rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. She thinks that it makes him nervous when she's physically affectionate with him, and for some reason, the notion of this is extremely satisfying to her.

"You know," She begins slowly, thoughtfully. "When you got voted off, I didn't cry because you weren't going to win the money. I cried because I thought you'd come here and be with all these people and then you'd forget all about me because I wouldn't be your only option anymore. Isn't that selfish?" She laughs because it sounds so _terrible, _self centered and insecure and sad, out in the open like that.

He stops walking instantly, puts his hand on her arm so she has to stop walking to. "It's not selfish." He says firmly, blue eyes wide and fiery like he's talking about a cause he believes in. "And you _are_ my only option. You have always been my only option, because you're the person I care the most about."

Courtney stares at him for a long beat, overwhelmed. And then she throws her arms around his neck and suddenly she's kissing him, her mouth hot and wet and open against his. She pulls back for air and then immediately she kisses him again. And again, and again, and again. His hands cup the sides of her face, pulling her impossibly closer, thumbs absently tracing over the apples of her cheeks. He tastes clean, masculine, and vaguely of cake batter ice cream. She doesn't think she'll ever stop kissing him.

When he finally pulls back, she feels dizzy, breathless, _elated_. He's grinning down at her, hair mussed, cheeks pink, her glittery lipgloss smeared all over his mouth, and his nose covered in...something.

Her eyes narrrow and she reaches up, scooping a big of it onto her finger and eyeing it suspiciously.

"Cookies and cream?" She asks, incredulous. "But you didn't have any of my..." Suddenly it dawns on her. She reaches up and touches a finger to her own nose, letting out a huff when it comes away covered in ice cream. Scott looks absolutely wicked.

"You mean to tell me I've had ice cream on my nose all this time and you haven't said anything?" He's still laughing. "Oops."

She punches him in the arm. Then she kisses him once more for good measure.

; ;

"You know, I think I've been in love with you since season two." He says one evening when they are sitting out by the pool even though its cold and everyone else has gone inside for the night. He brings the words up out of nowhere, says them as casually as if he were commenting on the weather. He doesn't even look up from the book he's reading.

Courtney doesn't look up from her book, either. "Oh yeah?" She asks him, amused. "How'd I catch your eye?"

His reply is immediate. "Episode nineteen. The Princess Pride."

She laughs in recognition, turning the page. "I suppose that should have been obvious. That episode got me more fan-mail than you can imagine."

"You sing like an angel." He informs her, and though she knows its true, her heart skips a beat. She leans over and kisses his cheek.

It isn't until she's laying in bed 3 hours later that she realizes he had said he was in love with her.

; ;

It takes a lot of thinking and a lot of brainstorming and she uses up an entire spiral bound notebook and two fountain pens, but she finally decides what she is going to say in response to Scott's _infuriatingly_ sweet and casual confession.

Its good speech - not too short but not too long, poetic without being corny, romantic without being over the top. She reads it over several times until she has it memorized, and then she falls asleep.

She wakes up with butterflies in her stomach, excited and terrified and _happy_. She asks Scott to meet her in her room (and to bring lunch) and he sends his confirmation immediately in the form of a smiley face. Courtney rolls her eyes.

She practices her speech a couple more times in front of the mirror and tidies up her already spotless room, unable to sit still. She's restless, but she's confident in herself and in what she is going to say.

When she opens the door, Scott is still in his pajamas, the dorky ones that she pretends to hate, with the little camels printed on them. He's smiling brightly and holding a picnic basket.

"Look, babe, burritos!" Scott enthuses, smile slightly devious. "I stole them from the kitchen." He snickers.

Everything she had planned to say goes out the window with his words, and all she can do is laugh, laugh hard, clutching her sides and gasping for air.

"God, I love you." She says when she catches her breath, beaming up at him. "I love you so much, Scott."

He looks like she just knocked the wind out of him. "You, uh." He coughs into his hand, looking like he doesn't want to seem hopeful. She can't stop smiling.

"...Really?" He asks after a moment, and Courtney nods her head, no hesitation, still grinning. _Finally_ he believes her, smiles back, drops the basket to pull her into his arms and lift her off of her feet.

"I love you too." He mumbles into her hair. She squeezes him tightly.

When he sets her back down, her foot lands on a burrito, both of which had fallen out of the basket when dropped. Scott eyes the mess sheepishly and Courtney shrugs.

"I wasn't gonna say anything... but I don't really like burritos anyway." She admits, and Scott laughs so hard he nearly falls over.

They alternate between cleaning the carpet and making out while they wait for the pizza to arrive.

; ;

Summer comes to an end because it always does. The days grow shorter and the air cools down significantly. People are beginning to pack their things - Playa is closing in six days exactly. It's always so surreal, when it all ends. Most of them won't see each other for another year. They all have lives, friends, families of their own outside of the family they have built here.

Scott starts sleeping in her room, which Courtney does not argue with, and is in fact grateful for. They rarely spend time apart. They talk about their lives, what they're looking forward to going home to, what they'll miss when they leave.

They don't talk about their future as a couple. Scott has tried, once or twice, but Courtney just isn't ready to deal with that reality quite yet.

The closest they come is this; it's two-thirty in the morning. They are laying together on the floor of Courtney's room, pinkies linked, and Courtney wonders aloud whether the network will want another season.

"Oh, I don't know." Scott yawns, tilting his head to rest against her own. She smiles at the feeling of his stubble against her cheek. "Yeah, probably."

"Would you want to do it?" She asks him. He's quiet for a moment, and when he speaks, he's tentative.

"I would. But only if I knew that you were going to be there. I would come back every year to see you. Every year for the rest of my life."

She rolls over, kisses him hard in the quiet dark.

"I know." She says against his mouth. "I know. Me too."

; ;

The night before the hotel closes is hard.

Everyone sits around the pool and they sing and tell stories, the veterans fill the newbies in on inside jokes and they reminisce about every season, every couple, the ones who made it and the ones who didn't. There's a sense of community, belonging. Everyone cries at least a little.

There's lots of hugging everyone and Courtney's mascara runs like crazy and she's emotionally exhausted by the time she finds Scott amidst a group of the newbies. He pulls her into a long hug and they go to her room, hand in hand.

They fuck for the first time that night and it is absolutely perfect, magical, any sadness she's feeling instantly overwhelmed by the tenderness of it all, the love she has in her heart for Scott. Throughout it all, they don't exchange a single word. They don't need to.

She falls asleep with his hand in her hair, her head on his bare chest, over his heart.

; ;

With last night under their belts, everyone has an easier time saying final goodbyes. Different boats come at different times to take kids to different cities - like a bus. Scott's boat is third. Courtney's is last. She doesn't like that he has to leave her, but she's relieved that _she_ doesn't have to leave _him_. She can let him go, but she doesn't think she'd be able to leave him herself.

She doesn't see him for most of the day - they wake up together and have breakfast, then she goes to spend some time by herself because she needs to do some thinking. He says he understands and she believes him.

She sits on the docks for a long time, watches people leave, hugs goodbye even those people who she wouldn't normally consider friends. She kisses Cody on the forehead, just because. And she does a _lot_ of thinking.

She loves Scott, but they are two different people leading two very different lives. They live almost three hours apart. She has a plan for herself, has always had a plan for herself, and Scott doesn't fit into the equation, not really.

But she _loves_ him, God, does she ever love him. He's goofy and wicked and ridiculous and handsome and funny and good for her, really good. She'd always hoped someday she'd meet a boy that would treat her like a princess - Scott treats her like a queen.

It doesn't take much more thought after that.

; ;

The third boat is set to arrive in ten minutes. All the other campers had shared rides so far - there were always at least two people going to the same place. But Scott lives in a very rural part of Canada - this boat is his alone. He seems to be more happy about this than embarrassed. She's always liked that about him.

When he approaches the dock, he's looking at the ground, a hand rubbing the back of his neck the way he always does when he's nervous. She smiles softly, walks up to him, takes his hands in her own.

He looks like he doesn't want to speak, still can't quite reach her eyes. "So." He finally breathes out, still looking steadfastly at the floor. "Did you, uh." He can't say it.

She says it for him. "Did I come to a decision? Kind of. But...it's not just up to me, you know."

A beat, and then he deflates, shoulders slumping wearily, eyes downcast. "I want you to be happy." He says quietly, almost a plea. Her smile brightens. She squeezes his hands.

"You _make_ me happy."

He's still unconvinced. "It'll be hard."

"Good things are never easy."

"I live three hours away from you."

"I've got a car, don't I?"

"_Courtney_. I don't know what I'm doing with my life."

"Me either." She laughs, and he does look up then, finally, doubt written all over his face, his eyes hopeful in spite of him. She continues, encouraged.

"I've got a plan, sure. But when it comes down to it, it's just an outline, Scott." She smiles, wraps her arms around him, squeezes tight. "We can fill it in together."

She can feel him smile against her hair. "Okay." He whispers. "Okay."

It's not everything, but it's something. It's hope. It's a promise to try to make this work. It's a promise that it's worth trying for.

And it's enough.


End file.
